Craziness!

So a lot has gone on since my last post, partially because I believe it was over 2 weeks ago. First of all, my friends Adam and Rachel came for a visit from St. Louis. A few observations from that visit:
-There don't seem to be any BBQ Krunchers in the Chicagoland area...WTF?
-Its scary when people send you text messages claiming they are in the same room as you.
-Its even scarier when they happen to correctly guess what color shirt you have on.
-Chicago's Pizza at 3 am is awesome...but I guess I already knew that.

The next weekend, I went to St. Louis for Vanessa's cousin's wedding on Friday night, then woke up at 5:15 to go to my high school's alumni golf outing Saturday morning. A few notes from that trip:
-Some guys can pull off pink seersucker suits, and some cannot. I'm in no rush to find out which category I fall under.
-Its easy for a guy to be mistaken for a good dancer if he: A. has a good partner B. continually raises his arms in the air at various angles to force said partner to spin, and C. avoids the white man's overbite.
-One of our partners for the golf outing was at the casino until 4 am the night before, and still began drinking on the golf course on the second hole (around 7:45 am). The sad part is that he was still far and away the best golfer on our team.

Tomorrow I embark on my first official business trip. I believe the goal is for me to sit there and shut up, and perhaps be charming whenever I am introduced to someone. Certainly I will pass along any interesting observations from that trip as well.

Finally, a special "awesome takes practice" shout-out to my brother, Bubba Tunes. He has twice recently given me props for my taste in viral videos on his blog (which was much of the inspiration for my own), and moreover, just donated a Samsung BlackJack phone to my cause. This is especially appreciated since my old phone would drop the call every 30 seconds. Props are also in order for Liz and Burke for facilitating said donation. Anyway, if you happen to be the one person that reads this blog that doesn't read Bubba Tunes, get on it!

Tisk, tisk.

Well folks, it appears viewership of this blog has reached an all-time low. Thats pretty sad since as far as I know the all time high was 8 in a week. My last poll, which I fancied an in depth soul-probing question, received a total of 1 vote, which I admit was not unsolicited. Now, it has come to my attention that there were some technical difficulties that prevented that total from being tripled, but according to the greatest mathematical mind I've ever come across, Jaime A. Escalante (How do I reeeach theez keeeeedz!), 3 x 1 = 3, and that's still a small number.


As if the low voter turnout weren't enough, there's the matter of the contest entries. I received a grand total of 0, which I must admit is only slightly lower than the expected number, but still, I offered an incredible prize package which included both a high 5 and a personalized photo of me flashing you a peace sign. If that doesn't spark entries, I don't know what will. On that note I'm officially declaring the contest closed, and naming myself the winner. *Smack!* Man, that was an awesome high 5. Jealous?

Movin' on up!

Over the past week or so, a lot has happened. I moved into a new apartment, was reunited with my lovely and talented girlfriend, and was requested to do a cartwheel by a mob of gay men. Each of these events was an eye opening experience in its own unique way, but really they all contribute to one conclusion.

Upgrading apartments made me realize, or more appropriately reaffirmed how much of a sap I am when it comes to letting go of things. For instance, there's a reason that my wallet tends to be big enough to bring a tear to the eye of George Costanza, and it certainly isn't because its full of money. Rather, its full of useless crap like ticket stubs, notes, and business cards of people I know I'll never need to get in touch with. The reason isn't that I'm one of those crazy hoarder people that fill their houses with garbage for years and years, its that I have a big soft spot for certain memories. Its that soft spot that's going to miss my old apartment.

I'm not going to miss the stove that only worked when it felt like it, the carbon monoxide detector that went off every time I used the oven, or the toilet that ran more than Flock of Seagulls. Despite all those nuisances, that apartment is filled with great memories for me. I'll never forget nervously pacing around by the kitchen table asking Vanessa's voicemail out for the first time, then hoping she knew I was talking about a date, not a study session. I'll remember watching about 6 straight hours of The Office with my sister when everyone else was at the Michigan-Northwestern football game. And of course I'll always remember waking up at 8 am after a late night out with Eddie and Lorenzo to find those two laying in the living room already having resumed their conversation from the night before about what Lorenzo would do if he were a Doctor and the only way he could save Eddie's life were to...you fill in the rest.

Last April when I moved into that apartment I had planned on it being the last place I would stay at in Chicago, simply holding me over until I could move back to St. Louis. Well, it took me a while, but eventually I discovered that best laid plans aren't always for the best. Luckily I was able to figure that out before it was too late, and I think at least some of the credit for that discovery belongs to my old apartment. Chicago will never be my hometown...nothing could ever turn me into a Cubs fan...but it is certainly now the town I call home. This new apartment definitely has some big shoes to fill, but I can't wait to start filling them up.

Update

We're still waiting on the first entry in the contest mentioned in the previous post. As an incentive, the first 3 entries will receive a personalized picture of me flashing the peace sign (as soon as I find my camera). Between that and the chance of eternal glory and a high five from yours truly, I fully expect the entries to start rolling in.

Contest!

Okay, so here it is, the first ever "...but awesome takes practice" contest! Here's a little background: Everyone knows those lame inspiriational pictures with the message under them that only make sense on rare occaisions that they sell in crappy stores. For instance, they'll have a picture of a bunch of people climbing a mountain with a group of Sherpas with this written under it, "Teamwork: The Last Bastion of Fortitude."

Anyway, there is a brilliant website out there that allows you to make your own humorous inspirational poster. I'll provide the link to this website at the end of the post. All you need to create one of these posters is a funny or embarassing picture and some amount of wit, the rest is pretty self explanatory. So here's how the contest works: Whoever submits to me the funniest poster as determined by the judging panel (me), wins an amazing prize! What could this amazing prize be? Well along with eternal glory, the winner will receive a high-5 from each member of the judging panel! Yes, I'm serious, its that big of a deal!

Anyway, I'm not sure how the submission process will work, so just figure out a way to get them to me. I guess you can email them to me, and I will post it on this very blog if you indicate you would like me to, and the judging panel deems it is appropriate for this highly reputable blog.

Anyway (and yes, I did just begin my third consecutive paragraph with "anyway"), here is the link to the website: http://diy.despair.com/motivator.php
Now get out there and make me laugh! I'm tired of doing all the work in this cyber relationship!

Happy Father's Day!!

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's out there but especially to the only one (as far as I know) that occasionally reads this blog. Of course I'm talking about my Dad, the person that you all have to thank for my love of puns, my drop dead gorgeous blue eyes, and of course my freakish left-handedness. Dad has taught me many things over the years such as how to use a Windsor knot in a tie (I forgot that one and instead use the retarded 3rd cousin of the Windsor, the half Windsor), that pretending to be a wine connoisseur almost makes you a real one, and that its okay to laugh at unintentionally humorous parts of serious movies...even if no one else in the theater does. He also deserves a great deal of kudos for creating "the plum tree move," the most unstoppable basketball move for slow white men...when playing against other slow white men.

Anyway, here's to Dad's everywhere, especially mine. Keep you nose to the grindstone Dad.

Embarassing Moments...

Readers, I must admit that I am embarrassed. A while ago I promised you all that I would post more frequently, and well, that has proved to be a steaming pile of (insert favorite poop word here). I have lied to you all, and for that I apologize. They say that when you apologize you are supposed to show remorse, do some other crap, and most importantly do something to make amends for your mistake. To that end, as a act of contrition for this ever so embarrassing event, I will now share with you all a number of my most embarrassing moments that I may or may not have admitted to otherwise:

-In sixth grade my pants fell down while performing in a skit in front of the entire grade.
-While taking the admission exam into Oak Hill before third grade, I wouldn't say I pissed myself, but yeah, there was a bit of urine on the crotch of my pants.
-Senior year of high school I fell on my face while trying to jump up onto the corner of the stage in Jurgens hall (about 3 1/2 feet high) and kick-off while "freestyle walking."
-Right after the aforementioned fall, I did it again to prove that I did it on purpose...I didn't...and it hurt more the second time.
-I just got done watching the first season of the new version of Battlestar Galactica, and I liked it.
-In the past year I have given myself 4 seemingly permanent scars, none of which were received in anything approaching a badass fashion.

I'm sure there are many more moments which I've forgotten, so feel free to list your favorite embarrassing moment I've had in your presence or at least told you about. Beyond that, be prepared for more of me making a fool out of myself for years to come.