Just say "No!"

Recently I went down a road that I had promised myself I would never go down. It is with great shame that I admit that last Thursday I actually drank a cup of coffee. The reason behind this decision was a mixture of fatigue, curiosity, and fool-heartiness, but I am glad to have gained some insight into how the world works. I am now greatly alarmed that majority of the business world cannot function on a daily basis without their daily dosage of what can only be described as a relatively potent narcotic. The comparisons to crack I feel are totally justified. To illustrate, I think coffee tastes like crap, but that didn't stop me from downing 5 cups in a matter of hours. I made the following observations during this harrowing experience:

-The startling and dangerous high that comes with excess coffee drinking can be likened to the quasi-synthetic elements from the periodic table (i.e. promethium). The high comes from something natural (coffee beans) but takes a little bit of tinkering with from
us to get it just right.*
-The parallels between coffee and beer are noteworthy. Both taste better after you've had a few already, and both make me funnier (obviously I'm not drinking either right now).
-I like my coffee like I like my women, short and sweet.

Anyway, even though I was only a coffee drinker for 2 days, I'm finding myself having a hard time quitting cold turkey. Its amazing that a drink I truly hate in terms of taste can have such a pull over me. I figure if I can get through the next week and a half without giving into temptation I'll be in the clear, but I've been wrong before. Actually I'm wrong quite frequently, but thats a story for another time.

*note: This made much more sense when I was actually high on coffee. I wish that unicorn riding leprechaun that explained it to me during my hallucination was here to write this entry.